Should Stepparents Attend Parent-Teacher Conferences?

Parent-teacher conferences are upon us…

When the school year begins, there are all sorts of negotiations that occur: appropriate bedtimes, when to do homework, and how much gaming or time with friends is permitted.

How about the negotiations that adults, including ex-spouses and new spouses, must do in the service of raising children?

Negotiating the boundaries of blended families can be almost as challenging as the most intense negotiations done on the level of international diplomacy.  One misstep and the carefully sought-after peace can vanish.

One potential hot-spot is who should attend a parent-teacher conference.

In a perfect world, you could request separate meetings with the teacher.  But with bulging classrooms and teachers handling large numbers of students, there isn’t always enough time in their schedule to accommodate multiple meetings for the same student.

Here are some ideas for negotiating how to handle parent-teacher conferences:

Idea 1: It Doesn’t Hurt to Ask

If two parents are presently not getting along but both want to attend a conference, it doesn’t hurt to ask the teacher for two separate conferences.  It’s not the best choice only because the teacher’s time needs to be respected. 

But if you really can’t get along with your ex, or your new spouse and your ex can’t get along, it may be in the teacher’s best interest to accommodate this request if they would otherwise be in the uncomfortable position of mediator. 

Idea 2: Do a Conference Trade Off

There are generally multiple parent-teacher conference opportunities during the school year.  You can take one conference and your ex can take the other—with one caveat: good notes must be taken and copies made of anything you’re given related to the child’s progress.

This way, by trading off, stepparents can also be involved in the child’s progress.  While it may be uncomfortable to sit with a child’s stepparent and discuss your biological child’s school progress, it can’t be ignored that stepparents play a role in your child’s progress.  Anything that can benefit children is a good thing, and attending conferences can help everyone feel involved as fully as possible in the child’s life.

Idea 3: Pick Your Battles

If you are the stepparent and want to attend your stepchild’s conference, but your spouse’s ex isn’t open to the idea, it may be in your best interests to let it go.  Instead, ask your spouse for details after the meeting.  Also, ask your stepchild for feedback about their progress.  This gives you an opportunity to deepen your connection with them, by showing interest in their school work and offering what assistance you can—without it becoming a battle with a biological parent.

And if you are in the situation of having a stepparent wanting to attend the parent-teacher conference along with you and your ex, reframe the request if you find yourself viewing it negatively. 

For example, instead of thinking, “Why do they always have to stick their nose in everything?” you could reframe how you view their request as, “This would be helpful for all of us to understand what’s going on with Mary so that we can all give her the best support possible.”

Also, think of it as a blessing if a stepparent takes an active interest in their stepchild.  It beats the alternative. 

Learn the Rules and Plan Early

Finding a way to pay for your children's college education is a challenge for most families whether it’s a "traditional" two-parent household, a single parent household or a household with a blended family.

There are unique opportunities and challenges facing blended families, which we will go over in a minute. First, remember these three things that apply to all families:

1) College expense planning must always be considered in the context of overall family financial planning. College can be very expensive. Families have debts to pay, savings’ needs, and everyday expenses, and few have enough money to do everything all at the same time. Work the numbers and decide how much you can afford.

2) Parental needs should always trump college funding needs. There are many ways to pay for college but the only way most people can pay for retirement is to save, save, save.

3) Debt for college funding should be minimized if not eliminated all together.

2 Main Types of Financial Aid

There are two types of formal financial aid. There is Federal financial aid, which can come in the form of grants and subsidized loans. Other financial aid may be available through the college itself in the form of grants, loans, and scholarships, and is called "Institutional" financial aid.

Filling out the free application for Federal Student Aid or FAFSA form gets the financial aid process started. This form is available from the Department of Education and it must be filed annually with the school where the student intends to enroll. Each school and state has its own filing deadline so be sure to submit your form on time. It is always a good idea to submit it as soon as possible after January 1st of each year because many needs-based grants are offered on a first come, first served basis

Blended Family Considerations for Financial Aid

There are rules and formulas that apply to federal financial aid and this is where it gets interesting for blended families.

One of the elements that determine how much aid your student will get is the EFC (Expected Family Contribution). The EFC is calculated in accordance with the parents’ and student’s income and resources. Generally, students qualify for more aid as the EFC goes lower. The key to determining parental income and resources for children of divorced parents is with whom the child spent the most time during the previous twelve months. It does not matter who pays child support or who gets to take the child as a tax deduction. What matters is where the child lived. Let’s look at an example:

Mom and Dad divorce. They have one child who lives with Mom. Dad pays child support and has weekend custody. Whether by decree or agreement, Dad’s going to pay for college costs. Dad is a relatively low-earning teacher who remarries a divorced waitress with three children of her own who live with her. Her former husband is in prison. Mom remarries the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, a self-made multi-millionaire who has never been married and thinks children should pay their own way through school like he did.  Dad applies for financial aid thinking this is going to be a slam dunk because let’s  face it, he’s broke. Imagine his surprise when his child qualifies for no federal aid because the household in which the child lives is filthy rich!

In this example, Dad would be smart to have his child apply for “Institutional” aid through the college. On the surface, the child would not qualify, but most institutions have an appeal process where a respectful and well-worded letter may provide some relief.

How could this have been avoided? Actually, it would have been pretty easy. The child was already spending 104 days a year with Dad. Just 79 more and Dad’s household would be the household of record.

There are other blended family issues as well. For example, let’s assume that the child lives with Dad but Mom’s new husband wants to help pay for school. Will this cause the child to be turned down for aid? No, but stepdad’s money “gift” needs to be reported as the child’s asset, making the child richer and reducing the need for aid.   

The point is, you need to know the rules and you need to make a plan long before it becomes a crisis. Most parents, divorced or not, want to do what’s best for their children and like all money issues, communication is the key. 

     

Frank Boucher, CEBS, CFP® is the owner of Boucher Financial Planning Services in Reston, Virginia.  

What Does the Fall Line-up Have Lined Up for Blended Families?

When you think of television shows featuring traditional families, you may think back to the old Leave it to Beaver episodes or even The Addams Family.

What do you think of when you hear “blended family television shows?” You may not be as quick to respond, but actually, blended families have had a fair amount of representation in the world of television.

Although not the first blended family to be shown on television (Make Room for Daddy and Bonanza both featured stepfamilies), The Brady Bunch was aired by ABC from 1969 to 1974 during a time when divorce and remarriage were on the rise in the United States. The first season was especially centered on the six children who were learning how to live together and operate as a family unit. Of all the family drama they did have, they never seemed to have to deal with the absent parents’ families. There were no extenuating blended-family dramas such as Grandparents-in-law carting just their three biological grandkids off for special occasions or other awkward situations.

For nearly a decade we’ve had Two and a Half Men, aired by CBS since 2003, and faithful viewers have watched as Jake, the “Half” portion of the title, grew up and the comedy ensue as he was swapped back and forth between his parents’ homes. Now his uncle Charlie is gone and Jake has left the paternal nest to join the Army. Is this a spin-off possibility? Perhaps Jake will meet a nice young girl and have a son to continue the show with his own “Half Man.”

Until that happens, be on the lookout for these three blended family shows from the Fall line-up:

1. The Disney channel has come out with Dog with a Blog this season, a show for the tweens about a blended family, but written from the family pet’s perspective. A family adopts a dog named Stan in the hope that two feuding stepsiblings will bond over the pet. It works when the siblings soon find out that that the dog can talk and write. The Disney premiere will be Friday night, October 12th.
2. Ben and Kate is a new network comedy, and it follows a pair of odd-couple siblings and their friends as they push each other out of their comfort zones and into real life. What happens when an optimistic dreamer moves in with his overly responsible little sister to help raise her five-year-old daughter?  It’s not a stepfamily, but it is representational of the alternative family dynamic that seems to be replacing the traditional nuclear family in our culture today. This show begins Tuesday, September 25th at 8:30/7:30c on Fox.
3. First aired in 2009, ABC will continue to air Modern Family on September 25th. Done in "mockumentary" style, Modern Family revolves around three families that are related through Jay Pritchett (Ed O'Neill) and his family. Jay, the patriarch of the family, has recently remarried a woman who has a son. Jay's daughter has a husband and three children. Jay's son and his life partner have adopted a Vietnamese baby. This blended family has it all: stepchildren, adopted children, second marriages, and a gay couple. This season promises to be every bit as award-winning as last.

Now stop and try to think of any current shows that have traditional families… can you think of any?

In the comments section below, let us know your thoughts on families as they’re represented on television, and what your favorite was or currently is.

3 Tips for Coping with the Dual-Household Dilemma

“But, at my other house I get to…”

Is there a more dreaded argument from a child than the old comparison standby of how everyone else in the whole entire world does things and so we-should-too?

It’s one thing to hear how “all the other kids” do things in their homes, and quite another to have your house rules stacked up against those of the other custodial parent—especially with how homework is handled.

With kids back in school now, homework wars are common enough in any home, but the challenge for blended families are the possibly two different sets of rules governing how and when homework should be done.

Maybe in your home, you feel that homework should be done right after school, or early in the morning on weekends. But in your child’s other living space, the rules are lax and the approach is “when you get to it.”

This can be confusing for kids, who first of all want to find a way to put off the inevitable. Have you ever heard a child argue for doing homework sooner rather than later?

Regardless of how many days your child or stepchild lives under your roof, you have a right to set up rules governing what goes on there in the way you see fit.

Here are some tips for coping with the dual-household dilemma—and avoiding homework drama:

Tip #1: Talk with the other Parent

In a perfect world, there would be one set of rules for your child, no matter where they lay their head. But this isn’t always the case. You can try to talk to your ex-spouse or the biological parent to see if it’s possible to create one set of rules. If not, it’s not worth getting upset over—and at least you know what you have to work with.

Tip #2: Your Rules are the Rules

If the rules are different under the two different roofs, any kid worth their salt will try the comparison trick if the other rules favor the put-it-off approach—it’s their birthright. That’s okay: it’s kids being kids. But, your house, your rules, and you aren’t obligated to do things the exact same way as the other household. Explain that you can appreciate how different people do things differently, but in your home, this is how it’s done.

Tip #3: Allow Child Input

Coming on the heels of that last tip, you can help the child feel some sense of control or at least have a say in rule-making by asking for their input on some aspect of the homework rule. For example, with younger children, you can state what the homework rules are, but they get to choose whether they have a snack before, during or after a homework session. For older kids, they could be given a choice of where to do their homework: in their room, at the dining room table, or some other designated space.

Negotiations are part of the family experience, regardless of the family being traditional or blended. The art of firmness with some degree of compromise works well in any situation. 

 

Many stepparents want to know “how to stepparent,” but there is no one-size-fits-all-blended-families approach to give—though there are plenty of ideas.

However, there is one universal truth all humans share in common: we like to have fun.

Blended families have enough challenges going on, so why not take a break and spend a little time planning some fun activities?

There’s something to be said about the opportunity to laugh together while enjoying positive experiences. It’s the type of bonding opportunity that creates the fabric of good relationships.

And what better time to have fun than during the warm-weather months when there are a variety of activities from which to choose and longer daylight hours within which to enjoy them?

As a stepparent, making the effort and taking the lead in planning fun activities for all to enjoy is a proactive step. It beats being reactive to all of the little blended family crises that can come up over the course of a week. Your spouse will appreciate the effort, and the big payoff is… you get to have fun managing the selection process!

You can pre-select some activities and take a family vote, or plan a surprise for everyone, giving them fun clues such as what they should wear for the day.

Here are some guidelines for how to select fun activities:

1)    Use Hobbies as a Guide

If you know your stepchild or stepchildren have a particular hobby or interest, you can use that as your launch point. For example, maybe she’s interested in dinosaurs. Scout out local museums that offer exhibits, or plan a day with a dinosaur theme that could include movies, a dinosaur-drawing contest and “prehistoric” treats that you create in the kitchen.

 

2)    Mix it Up

If you normally go to movies for family entertainment, you could try visiting a local park and taking a hike, or renting kayaks for a water-based excursion. Or, vice versa, if you normally go outside for fun, find some indoor activities that would interest kids and adults alike, such as family-themed plays or concerts.

3)    You Don’t Necessarily Need to Spend a Dime

If your budget has been putting a bit of a pinch on your fun, it doesn’t mean you need to entirely nix the idea of fun altogether. Kids have great imaginations: tap them to see what ideas they can come up with. Also, check local magazines that cater to families: they often provide a calendar of events that range from no cost to some cost involved.  You may not even be aware of all of your local resources, so start investigating!

4)    Keep it Light

No matter what you decide to do, make sure everyone knows the object of what you’re trying to accomplish: relaxing and having a good time. Put a moratorium on arguments and frowning for the duration of the activity. And if things don’t work out exactly the way you pictured them in your mind, have patience. The effort was made, and that’s worth a lot in terms of blended family relations.

Let us know how it goes for you and your blended family. We would love to hear your ideas. 

Mrs. Delaware Brings National Exposure to Blended Families

Dr. Francine Tolliver Edwards won the 2012 Mrs. Delaware United States Pageant held on May 12, and will represent Delaware at the 26th annual Mrs. United States Pageant in Las Vegas, July 12^th. She also wishes to represent blended families.

Dr. Edwards lives in Delaware with her husband of seven years, Micah and four children, Jordan (son-13), Madison (son-11), Tyler (daughter-6) and Joshua (son-2).  Mrs. Delaware describes her home life as a “six-ring circus:” all six of them do their own thing. In a candid interview, Francine Edwards shared some of her personal experiences, issues, and advice about dealing with the changes in family dynamics which are part and parcel with the blending of families.

Here is a woman who seems able to juggle life with many balls in the air. She began her career in the television industry in 1989 and anchored at BET for 11 years, managed public affairs for the D.C. Department of Health and later, NASA. She is now an Associate Professor at Delaware State University. Most recently, Dr. Edwards published her first romance novel, The Design of Love (written while she was completing her doctorate). In her spare time she enjoys skiing, competing in pageants, reading, writing, and most importantly, spending time with family.

Statistics show that one in three children is a product of a blended family. When kids go back and forth between two households, there’s an adjustment period. Dr. Edwards believes that giving teachers the insight to understand what those kids are going through, and giving them some tools to help those kids cope, is important. She hopes to start by working with her own children’s school administration. Her goal is for teachers and parents to be offered training courses so children may have support at home, in school and in the community.

In her own home, there is much running, chasing, joking, trying to get meals, and readying for school. Somehow it all comes together and everyone gets to where they need to be. Amazingly, out of the 3 kids that have to go to school during the regular school year, only one was late (once)—and that was on the last day of school. They were so busy playing around that they missed the bus. In the evenings it’s a bit calmer with school work and extracurricular activities. Still, they make it a point to sit down and eat dinner together every day. It takes some creative time management for Mom to get it all done.

“I have to really prioritize, which actually means taking care of me first. That includes my physical and mental health, ‘scheduling’ in fun for me, and knowing when to take a break from it all. I get most of my academic work done after everyone in my house goes to bed (I can get my best academic/scholarly work done between 12:00 a.m. – 3:00 a.m.). That’s probably my biggest secret! No one knows I’m up and I can get back in the bed around 3:30 and sleep until 7 or so and be fresh for the next day.”

Clearly, on top of it all, this Associate Professor is also quite the clever Mom.

Mr. Edwards has joint custody and residency of the oldest son, Jordan, who spends alternate weeks with each family. The 2nd oldest son, Madison, is with the Edwards permanently, which has recently raised questions with Tyler, their six-year-old daughter. She has been asking why Madison doesn’t go to see his other mom too. It took some thinking to formulate an answer that a 6-year old could understand. Dr. Edwards explained to Tyler, “Sometimes children have to be with the parent that can give them the best home and life and Daddy was the one to do that.” She stressed to her daughter that Madison’s mother loves him, but just can’t give him a home, school support, or help him with homework and basketball like Dad can.

Issues will arise between sets of parents in regard to basic rules such as curfews, chores, and bedtimes. For the stepparent, it is important to ‘stand by your man’ in the presence of others, and to voice your concerns in private. Be sure to involve the child in the decision but not the conflict. Differences will exist and face-to-face communication between the parents should be encouraged. Just don’t forget that the goal is for the betterment of the child.

“One strategy that didn’t work was having direct contact with the biological mothers! Whew, what a lesson learned here. I thought that once married I had a huge say in everything and that I had a right to voice my opinion, but it only made the tension worse. I was enlightened by my sister and aunt after sharing a story with them about a horrific argument I had with one of the mothers. They both set me straight immediately! They let me know that I shouldn’t be taking on the burden of defending my husband to them, arguing with them about menial things or answering the phone just so I can ‘talk down’ to them in my not-so-cordial greeting. My aunt, being a divorced mother, told me that she made it a point after her husband remarried, not to have any contact with his wife because she knew it would do nothing but cause stress. She said that her relationship with her children’s father and the children has always been better because of that.”

The majority of extended family has been good about trying to keep bruised feelings and egos out of the children’s lives. When there are exceptions, Dr. Edwards feels it is important to hold back the retorts, turn the other cheek, and not to respond negatively when disrespectful comments are presented. Not all grown-ups can keep personal feelings out of the way. For the children, Dr. Edwards feels we need to try our best to be adults.

“I did experience some distance when my oldest stepson turned about 10 or so because at that point he was privy to some negative things his mother had to say about me and my husband. He began to distance himself. I also took a step back because I saw behavior towards me that I didn’t like and I refused to bow down to a child. For example, he wouldn’t speak to me or even interact with me in our home. For a point, I would try to reach out to him, but then I gave up and played the game right along with him. After a while my husband did intervene, which I thought was appropriate. But like I said, I wasn’t going to suck up to him, try to carry on fake conversations or create these insincere family moments with him, because I knew he didn’t want that from me.

We see there is still a stigma attached to being a stepparent. Despite the growing number of blended families, there is something awkward in terms of the relational issues that stepparent’s face that can’t truly be understood unless you are walking in those shoes. Sometimes I can talk or explain my feelings until I’m blue in the face but my own husband still doesn’t understand how I feel. Overcoming some of the challenges, however, can be eased by keeping the lines of communication open and being as transparent as possible.”

Probably the most valuable advice Dr. Edwards wishes to impart is that you absolutely cannot be a part of a stepparent pity party! You have to be proactive and take on the task of being a stepparent as a full-blown educational process. The people who will bad-mouth the biological parents with you and feed negative thoughts to you about your own step children are nothing but energy vampires. You need to be surrounded by stepparents who have overcome obstacles and are willing to share the tools and secrets of success with you.

Mrs. Delaware is attempting to spotlight issues of blended families and step-parenting in the National forum of this month’s Mrs. United States Pageant. On behalf of stepfamilies, we wish her well. 

The Top 10 Remarriage and Stepfamily Blogs of 2011

It’s our annual round-up of our top picks culled from the wealth of blogs devoted to remarriage and stepfamilies. These bloggers write right from the trenches of stepparenting life, with all of its attendant challenges, blessings and surprises.

Each of these picks offer straight-talk advice for stepparents and remarried people, offering often humorous glimpses behind the front doors of other blended families. What we liked best about these is that you won’t feel so alone, all questions and no answers. Each of these blogs provides insights and ideas that you may not have thought of, which will help enrich your own remarriage experience.

So, grab a cup of coffee or tea, kick back and prepare to meet some new friends for the coming year. Without further ado, here are our Top 10 picks:

#10: The Wicked Stepmom

http://wickedstepmom.blogspot.com/

Blogger: Cathy, “The Wicked Stepmom”

Welcome to Cathy’s world, where she has named the people in her life after fairytale characters, such as Prince Charming, Cinderella, and Hansel and Gretel. It’s a fun way to view this often exasperating lifestyle, to give it the aura of old tales we’ve grown up on: it makes it seem not so different.

Cathy’s blog is a nice snapshot of the blended-family world. Cathy describes herself as—get ready: a daughter, stepdaughter with two stepmoms and a former stepdad, sister and stepsister, custodial stepmom and soon-to-be ex-wife. With that many hats, Cathy is able to offer a wide-ranging perspective and share her insights for just about anyone who has ever been caught up in a blended family scenario!

Cathy shows you that you need to have a good sense of humor to make it through what can be an ever-changing family landscape. We hope to see more of her blogging in 2012.

 

#9: Step in the Blender

http://www.stepintheblender.com

Blogger: Brigette

Brigette does a good job of bringing up the types of issues that arise in blended families, everything from why biological mothers and stepmothers struggle to get along to the various roles you could potentially take as the stepmother.

Through her ideas, you’ll be able to step back and analyze your own blended family and how it is playing out—as well as where you would like it to go.

Brigette gives candid, interesting descriptions of how we think: whether it’s her husband referring to them as a “broken family” to taboo topics stepmom’s don’t want to admit out loud. It’s a good peek into someone else’s blended world, thoughtful and heartfelt.

#8: StepMom Magazine

http://www.stepmommag.com/blog

Bloggers: Brenda Ockun, Publisher of StepMom Magazine, and Others

 

Whether it’s an inspirational message or a Q&A, Brenda’s blog offers helpful advice to the stepmother struggling with her role, while also tapping into various bloggers who blog about stepparenting (many of them appear in this Top 10 list!).

You will also get a glance at what the current monthly issue offers—an enticement to subscribe so you can access monthly support and inspiration.

Based on her extensive marketing background, Brenda launched StepMom Magazine to fill a void in the world of stepmothers: a place to go for resources, something she was unable to find when she first took on the role of stepmom herself.

 

To access the discussion forum, you will need to be a subscriber, a venue that promises to provide additional support for the stepmom struggling to juggle her new and ongoing role.

#7: The Stepmom’s Toolbox: Tips, Tools, Advice

www.thestepmomstoolbox.com

Bloggers: Peggy Nolan and Team

 

Need advice? How about attending “Stepmom University” and downloading a course specifically designed for stepmoms? Peggy’s site is packed with a wealth of resources such as this, both free and for members-only.

 

Peggy’s blog offers advice and such blog entries as “Things I’ve Learned,” along with tips for taking care of you, the one who does so much for so many. Her goal is to truly offer you the tools you need to make the most of your role as a stepmom. With her advice, you won’t flunk out of this life challenge, even when you feel no one notices all that you contribute.

#6: Hers, His and Ours

http://www.hershisandours.com/

Blogger: Lisa Hartman

Lisa Hartman writes a heartfelt blog about her blended family—opening her home, heart and experiences for readers to pore over.

She seems unflappable when it comes to some of those tougher situations that would make any stepparent cringe. For example, anyone up for a road trip with your spouse’s e- wife? Lisa recounts squirmy stories like these with humor and grace, as well as her philosophy on how to meet some of these unusual challenges.

Lisa’s blogs each include a photo, giving you a nice visual to illustrate the story or topic of the day.  She gives an honest examination of the challenges inherent in trying to blend families—as well as managing all of the differing adult opinions on how best to do that. 

#5: The Evil Stepmother Speaks    

http://theevilstepmotherspeaks.com/

Blogger: Barb Goldberg

Barb’s site is clean and inviting—and she does a fantastic job with staying on top of updates, a challenge for most bloggers. Her site’s tag line is “Practical Advice       for Stepfamilies who want to Love and Laugh.” And who can get enough of either of those, right?

Barb offers a range of resources, including a free download on “100 Different Ideas on how to Create Memories with your Family,” a nice, positive offering that helps you focus on the good things that can happen in your blended family. Her blog contains a range of categories, anything from holidays to leadership to dieting. No one ever said the modern stepparent didn’t have a lot to keep up with, and Barb helps you do that, with humor.

Reading her blog, you will feel like you just sat down with her in a coffee shop and she’s bringing you up-to-date on her life while offering pearls of stepparenting wisdom you hadn’t thought of before.

#4: Co-Parenting 101

www.coparenting101.org

Bloggers: Deesha Philyaw and Michael Thomas

Remarried folks, take note: divorce does not have to be contentious.

Philyaw and Thomas set an example that any remarried may want to take heed of and follow. In short, they have decided to put their kids first, partnering in their co-parenting efforts so their two daughters can have the next best thing to an intact parental set: two parents on the same sheet of music.

These two parents are not advocates of divorce. In fact, they often counsel friends to consider it only as the absolutely last option, while recognizing and acknowledging that it is a very personal and individual decision. They have a book due out in 2013: Co-Parenting 101: Helping Your Children Thrive After Divorce.

Their blog offers legal resources, a podcast—and a unique offering called the “10 Co-Parenting Commandments.”

#3 Today’s Modern Family

http://www.todaysmodernfamily.com/index.php/tag/challenges-in-stepfamily-life

Blogger: Kela Price, Founder and Diane Greene, Publisher

There are so many blends of family types, there’s no such thing as one size fits all, but Kela and Diane’s site seeks to fill that role. They provide a resource for modern families in every sense of the term, whether it’s a stepfamily, single parent family or adoptive family—or something else entirely.

Their advice runs the gamut, from fashion and weddings to parenting tips. And don’t miss their article on a quick and easy penne casserole—a timesaver any modern and harried cook can appreciate.

For fun, there’s a gossip section that highlights Hollywood break-ups as well as advice from stars who are dealing with divorce and stepparenting while in the public eye.

#2: Becoming a Stepmom

www.becomingastepmom.com

Blogger: Jacquelyn Fletcher  

           

Jacquelyn Fletcher is the author of “A Career Girl’s Guide to Becoming a Stepmom,” and was also the co-founder of the Stepfamily Letter Project (letters are still accessible at http://stepfamilyletterproject.wordpress.com/).

Jacquelyn’s blog shows her writing style: tell it like it is. This can help you, as the reader, to connect and relate to Jacquelyn’s advice.

Besides her blog, she also offers podcasts and a range of resources that are inclusive of biological parents, stepfamilies and stepmoms. Advice ranges from methods for coping, to strengthening your relationship with your spouse.

#1: Smom: The Heart of the Blended Family

www.cafesmom.com

Blogger: Heather Hetchler

Founder of Café Smom and stepmom coach Heather Hetchler provides stepmom coaching and a share blog, as well as a couple of other goodies I’ll share with you in a moment.

Heather defines a Smom as “a noble woman who cares for and nurtures her husband’s children (aka stepmom).” Sound like anyone you know?

Her blog entries are engaging as well as entertaining snapshots of her life as leader of a blended family. Heather’s site provides a great list of resources—and even a stepmom gift shop! She has created a cozy environment where you feel as if you can take off your shoes, kick up your feet and commiserate with others going through similar sagas as yours.

A recent blog post gives an explanation for why she decided to step back for a moment and review all she was trying to do, as well as its impact on her family. Read it for yourself and see if you can relate to what Heather was going through.

She recently released her e-book, “Thriving at the Holidays: A Stepparent’s Guide to Success,” which guides stepfamilies in having a peaceful holiday and avoiding some of the frustrations that can occur. (These are found in non-blended families as it is, so blended families may have double the challenges!)

We hope you enjoy our selections from 2011. If you run across any sites that are must-read’s, please feel free to email us and share your finding!