Positively Paula

For Single Parents: Overcoming the Challenges of Dating After Divorce

Monday, October 24, 2011
I often hear from single parents who have divorced and are open to getting remarried. "Within 5 years of divorcing, 89% of men and 79% of women remarry," according to Stepcoupling by S. Wisdom and J. Green. RemarriageWorks.com supports you wherever you are on the remarriage journey, including if you are divorced or widowed and thinking about remarriage and having a stepfamily one day. If you are a divorced single parent, have you heard of DateMyFamilly.com?

I am passionate about helping people who think they want to get married again, especially before they remarry and have a blended or stepfamily. I think the remarriage journey is easier to navigate if you know what to expect ahead of time. One website that caught my eye recently is DateMyFamily.com. 

Basically, DateMyFamily.com is a free online dating website for family-oriented individuals. I am really careful about associating with dating websites, so I recently connected with one of its founders. I liked what I heard; their mission statement is "to establish a network of family-oriented individuals while inspiring love, happiness and growth, by not just building partnerships but by building families." Interesting concept.

I'm personally not in the dating world, online or off, anymore, so I invited DateMyFamily.com to share some ideas with single parents about overcoming the challenges of dating after divorce. Here is what they had to say:

"For the majority of individuals who have been through a divorce, the idea of dating again and committing themselves to another relationship is one that is challenging and takes time. But we are not animals! As human beings, we are social by nature and long for the attention and nurture of an intimate partner. And, although the feelings of confusion, guilt, vulnerability, heartbreak, insecurity, indignation, anger, depression — and the list goes on — are tough to cope with, they do eventually pass.

Dating in many cases can be one of the most effective tools for growing past the heartbreak and moving on after divorce, once you are comfortable with the idea of it. There are a few key factors for dating after a divorce that can make it easier, more enjoyable, and make it possible to begin a fresh and successful relationship.

1. Self Confidence. Similar to dating prior to marriage, self-confidence plays a huge role in dating after divorce. Not only does self-confidence help in attracting a date and making you feel good about yourself, but it also serves as a step forward in moving on from the previous relationship.

2. Having an open mind. One of the worst thing someone can do when re-entering the dating world after a divorce is to compare the new person they are involved with to their previous partner. Although it is something that will occur naturally, it is one that should be avoided. Especially openly making comparisons or remarks about your prior partner to the person you are currently speaking to or interested in. Nothing turns someone off quite as badly a a person talking about their ex. Having an open mind and positive attitude towards the new man or woman can also help you appreciate new aspects of the person or even yourself, that you were previously unaware of.

3. Take your time. There is no rush to jump into another relationship and risk getting into a similar situation to the one you already experienced. Taking your time will save a lot of energy and potential grief and the future and make you feel more secure with the person you end up dating. It also allows for more positive dates because with no rush, you will really be able to pick through the crowd to find someone you are truly compatible with.

By keeping these three tips in mind, dating after marriage should be a positive experience that gives you a second opportunity at finding that special someone as well as help you grow as an individual. And, remember, we're not animals! Don't be afraid to go out and find your true life partner!"

So, there you have it from DateMy Family.com, the world's first free family-oriented dating platform that effectively uses a matching algorithm which goes one step deeper to match individuals not just through personality traits and common interests, but through their background and views on family.
Let me know what you think! I, myself think the "Take your time..." makes a lot of sense. If you are remarried, would you advise the same? If you are a single parent after divorce and happen to sign up for DateMyFamily.com, I'd like to know your thoughts about it, too.

RemarriageWorks Launches New Monthly Radio Show for "Remarrieds" and Stepfamilies

Friday, September 02, 2011
I invite you to tune in on Monday, September 5, 8-9 p.m. EST as I launch my new RemarriageWorks monthly show on The Stepmom's Toolbox segment of BlogTalkRadio. Keeping with our mission of helping remarriages and stepfamilies succeed, the RemarriageWorks show, airing every first Monday of the month at 8 p.m. EST will cover topics that will help you on your remarriage journey - whether you are divorced and widowed and thinking about getting remarried, planning your second wedding, or living in a stepfamily.

My first topic will be "Remarriage Works: A Second Look at Mortgages, Credit, and Finances" with special guest Carl Delmont, CEO of Freedmont Mortgage, and Board Member of the MD Council on Economic Education and MD Coalition for Financial Literacy. Carl, the first certified divorce planner in MD, is also a weekly expert on WMAR ABC TV in Baltimore. 

Do you worry about blending your credit histories or finances? Are you remarried and thinking about buying a new home? Do you understand how buying a home in your second marriage is different from your first-time purchase? Do you know how child support and alimony are treated when applying for a mortgage?

If you are pre or post divorce and/or remarried, or somewhere in between, don't miss this dynamic guest!

And, last, but not least, we are proud to announce our radio show sponsor, IDEALS of Kentucky. Their mission is to teach people methods of communicating with others, of dealing with emotions, and of solving problems. I don't think there is a remarriage in the world that wouldn't benefit from that!

If you have a topic, you would like to hear about, .


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