- Is this a matter of life or death?
- Am I part of the problem, or part of the solution?
- What's more important - being right, or having a healthy relationship?
Positively Bonnie
3 Top Questions Remarried Couples Should Ask When They Disagree
Top Secrets of Stepfathers
A Great Bonus for Stepparents Who Want to Change Their Mindset!
Renee Canali and I explored how our stepchildren reflect back to us what we need to change or adopt in our relationship with them, and she shared some exercises to help you shift your mindset and help you think about you and your role in your stepfamily from a different perspective.
Give the Stepfathers Some Love, Too, on Father's Day
There have been some positive changes that I've noted. Just yesterday a stepdad mentioned to me that he was pleasantly surprised to see a whole section of stepfather Father's Day cards in the store. I don't know how big that section is, but I still don't get the sense that there are enough cards for even half of the millions of stepdads in the country.
And, since 2008, I am aware of one additional book written specifically for stepfathers, namely The Smart Stepdad by Ron Deal. This book, which is in the Christian living genre offers advice for men navigating stepfamily living and provides essential guidelines to help stepdads not only survive, but succeed.
So, yes, I think things are moving in a positive direction when it comes to supporting stepdads, but there is still a long way to go considering that 4 out of 10 adults are now in a blended family.
Why aren't there more resources for stepdads? Is there no demand? Do stepdads not care? Do they not seek outside resources and assistance to help them be the best stepfathers they can be? If not, why are they reluctant? Is there indeed an overwhelming demand, and there just aren't enough experts or resources to meet their needs? What are your thoughts on this?
As a final tribute to stepdads this Father's Day, take a listen to Brad Paisley's music video, "He Didn't Have to Be" which was produced in 1999, reached #1, and was nominated for CMA song of the year. With so many more stepdads around today, this song is even more important. Happy Father's Day!
Stepfamily Support Groups: Definitely Worth a Try
Contrary to what some people may picture, support groups aren't always comprised of grieving people sitting in a circle crying their eyes out with tissues and a counselor. Support groups are basically "a gathering of people who share a common health concern or interest," according to "Support Groups: Make Connections, Get Help," by The Mayo Clinic staff.
Check out the Mayo Clinic staff's article to better understand the benefits of support groups and how to find one. You can read about questions to ask before joining a group, support group red flags, and how to get the most out of a support group experience.
If you are averse to stepfamily counseling, I encourage you to check out a support group. It is a place to share ideas, discuss problems and solutions, and such groups can be great sources of hope and inspiration.
My husband and I attended a stepfamily support group early in our marriage and that experience provided us a lot of hope when we faced some tough times. It was encouraging to listen to people who had been remarried for over 20 years as they reassured us that they, too, faced and more importantly, made it through rough spots such as ours.
If you don't feel like talking in a support group, you don't have to. In a support group I facilitated for families of children with Type 1 (juvenile) diabetes, we often had expert guest speakers who fielded questions and answers. This format could work in stepfamily support groups, too. You could invite a family law attorney to discuss joint custody issues, or a school counselor to talk about how the school and co-parents can better partner to ensure their children thrive in school as well as in two homes.
For stepmothers, stepfathers, and biological parents, I recommend a free national stepfamily (call-in) support group that is hosted by Yaffa Balsam, a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in CA. I think she has a great idea with this group. At the very least, it is a great way to see if a stepfamily support group is for you. I listened in to her group on August 16, 2010, and I thought the discussion was helpful, informative, and inspiring.
No one cried that I know of. I challenge you to try it at least once. And, if you have been happily remarried for years, perhaps you can share your wisdom and experience with others who may just be starting out.
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