Positively Bonnie
Why Cheer for the New Mrs. Delaware United States?
Win a FREE Second Wedding (aka Encore Wedding) from WINC FM!
- second wedding invitations custom-designed by Carla David Design;
- a Luxe Wedding Experience package from the extraordinary event planning company, A Splash of Elegance;
- wedding photography by Jones Photography;
- a wedding gown from the fabulous new bridal couture boutique, Soliloquy;
- flowers by Graceful Flowers;
- music by Music Unlimited;
- the fine venue Piedmont Club in Haymarket, VA, a ClubCorp club; and,
- if you are going to have a stepfamily, four coaching sessions from The Stepmom Coach, Claudette Chenevert.
Join the USA Blended Family Association and You May Win "Journal for Stepmoms"
Second Weddings in Orange County, CA - What a Trip!
I was able to do just that. I met with some great businesses in OC that really want to serve remarrying couples and stepfamilies with their unique needs that come with planning a second wedding and forming a stepfamily. I met a fabulous event planner, Sabrina Cadini-Giacomelli, PBC of La Dolce Idea. It's clear that Sabrina truly understands what people need at their second weddings. I wish I had known her when I got remarried with kids years ago.
Remarriage Showcase for Encore Brides: Pre-Show Business Meet & Greet in OC, CA
I think it is really important to support and help remarrying couples before they marry again. Our Remarriage Showcase for Encore Brides does just that as it brings together education, resources, expert advice, support and entertainment; we are reinventing the way engaged couples prepare for their encore wedding event, remarried life, and stepfamily living!
- Saturday, 1/28, 9:30-11:00 am, Morgan Run Resort & Club, Rancho Santa Fe, CA
- Sunday, 1/29, 2:30-4:00 pm, Coto de Caza Golf & Racquet Club, Coto de Caza, CA
Remember National Stepfamily Day is September 16th!
National Stepfamily Day and the National Stepfamily Day Foundation were founded by Christy Borgeld, who has worked tirelessly for 15 years to raise awareness about stepfamily issues, and develop programs, research, and support to American stepfamilies. If you ever get the opportunity to connect with Christy, just do it!
This astounding woman, who received an Outstanding Service Award from the Women's Information Network this year has a contagious passion to help step and blended families. Don't miss her video featuring 101 things to do with your family on National Stepfamily Day.
Lately, there has been some debate about whether stepfamilies need or should have a special day, such as National Stepfamily Day dedicated to them. I agree that a stepfamily is a family. And, while as much I may want or have wanted my stepfamily to not be different from a family that was formed by a first marriage with everyone biologically connected, in some ways it just simply is. It is a family no less, as we know that families come in many varieties these days.
My feelings about whether my stepfamily is different from any other family have shifted over the years. At first, I was hell-bent that my new stepfamily wasn't going to be treated as different. We were all going to learn to love each other and get along no matter what. Now I realize that hell, sometimes there are parts of my biological family, 40+ years old in which I grew up that still don't always get along, and I frankly wonder at times where some of the love is.
Here's the bottom line as I see it today. The majority of stepfamilies that I have come across face unique challenges and circumstances. They are families. And, one of the reasons I support National Stepfamily Day is that I know first-hand how difficult it can be to have a successful remarriage and stepfamily. Building a successful, lasting stepfamily requires hard work, dedication, self-growth, time, dedication, patience, love, and more. I'm celebrating what we have built thus far. I hope you do, too.
RemarriageWorks Launches New Monthly Radio Show for "Remarrieds" and Stepfamilies
My first topic will be "Remarriage Works: A Second Look at Mortgages, Credit, and Finances" with special guest Carl Delmont, CEO of Freedmont Mortgage, and Board Member of the MD Council on Economic Education and MD Coalition for Financial Literacy. Carl, the first certified divorce planner in MD, is also a weekly expert on WMAR ABC TV in Baltimore.
Do you worry about blending your credit histories or finances? Are you remarried and thinking about buying a new home? Do you understand how buying a home in your second marriage is different from your first-time purchase? Do you know how child support and alimony are treated when applying for a mortgage?
If you are pre or post divorce and/or remarried, or somewhere in between, don't miss this dynamic guest!
And, last, but not least, we are proud to announce our radio show sponsor, IDEALS of Kentucky. Their mission is to teach people methods of communicating with others, of dealing with emotions, and of solving problems. I don't think there is a remarriage in the world that wouldn't benefit from that!
If you have a topic, you would like to hear about, .
LeAnn Rimes, Gary Busey, and Huh? A Call for Better Stepmom Reporting!
You see, I had tweeted, "'What a good stepmom!' for shopping w/ stepsons. More to being a good stepmom than shopping. Let's hear it." And, once again I learned a lesson about communicating on-line whether it be via email, Twitter, or whatever else. Most of us have had the experience of our thoughts and even feelings being interpreted differently than we had intended.
Here's the real point I wanted to make in my tweet, and I am so thrilled that I have more than Twitter's 140 characters in which to say it. I wish the media would cover remarriage and stepfamilies in a more positive way. (By the way, I just tweeted the preceding sentence because it fit into a tweet.)
That paragraph that opened with "What a good Stepmom!" didn't really do justice to what LeAnn or the majority of stepmothers do every day for their stepchildren. It pointed out that: their family was enjoying a shopping outing; she was wearing leopard print shorts while browsing; she ran into Gary Busey; and, she returned to the area for a romantic meal with her husband later that day. That's it!
I'm just not getting how the opening line connects in any way with the rest of the paragraph. Good stepmoms do more than shop with their stepkids, and I think the column contributed to the unfair picture of remarriage and stepfamilies that is often painted. (Read more about this in my column entitled, "On ReMarriage: Hollywood Paints an Unfair Picture" in The Washington Times.)
I'm pretty certain that LeAnn Rimes, like most other stepmoms, did a lot more that day to be a good stepmom than what was portrayed. And, regardless of what people think about her, her marriage and the circumstances in her and her family's personal lives, which I was quickly informed about by people whom I doubt even know her in a flurry of Twitter activity, my point was and is this:
Attention media! Let's please hear more about the positive, inspiring, loving things that stepmothers do every day for their stepchildren. I'm not looking for "The Brady Bunch" model, nor am I trying to be a Pollyanna. But, when will the media provide us a broader range of views of stepfamily and remarried life?
I invite LeAnn Rimes and the millions of other stepmothers to join me in calling for a shift in the way media covers stepmoms. Let's talk about about stepfamily life, its challenges, and more importantly, real solutions.
2nd Wedding Wednesday: Where Will We Live as a Stepfamily?
If your remarriage includes children, incorporate them in the search for the perfect residence. According to Jeannette Lofas, with Dawn B. Sova in Stepparenting, "look over magazines together before starting your new home and discuss the pictures in the magazines rather than argue over an actual new home with your family. If there are going to be some deep arguments about your tastes in living quarters, this is a good way to begin developing family cohesion."
One key factor in a move remarriage-style is location. The children are already overwhelmed with the adjustment of what they had viewed as their family, and now they are dealing with new family relationships. To avoid any additional trauma, keeping the kids in their same school district is probably a smart move. More quests for the perfect home are limited to a certain area for this reason.
Some blended families are comprised of more than one or two children who have been accustomed to having their own room. This may drive you to attempt to purchase a home big enough to accommodate each child. Making an effort to have the kids feel part of the family is a top priority. The last thing you want to hear is "Why do I have to share a room, and he/she doesn't?" Or, "Why do I have to change schools, and he/she doesn't?"
Many remarrying couples try to keep everyone happy. That's a major challenge. And, finding a new house can be a financial burden. For couples who are remarrying and older, the idea of buying a five bedroom house when retirement is just around the corner may not seem reasonable.
Despite all the challenges and accommodations that go into selecting the perfect roof for your stepfamily to live under, finding a home is just another step in the so-called blending process. Remarriage and stepfamily living is a journey. And, it is one to handle with care down to the smallest detail.
2nd Wedding Wednesday: Your Second Wedding With Kids
First, if you have or want a great relationship with your children or stepchildren-to-be, I highly recommend that you don't exclude them from your wedding. I have heard stories about couples not including their children, and I truly believe your kids should be a part of your wedding event in some way, the very least of which is to be invited. After all, when you get remarried with kids, the reality is you are bringing families together; there is more to consider than just you and your spouse.
"One of the most complicated aspects of stepfamilies is figuring out the issues of belonging - who feels 'in' and who doesn't," according to Jean McBride, author of Encouraging Words for New Stepmothers. Assuming the children want to be included, here are some ways to include them after you get engaged to remarry:
- Create opportunities for parents who are about to become stepparents to spend time with their stepchildren during the wedding planning phase (e.g., enjoy a make-up session or spa day; shop for wedding attire together; have a pre-wedding picnic; let the "guys" in the newly forming family have their own version of a "bachelor" party on a paintball excursion or golf outing, etc.).
- Let the kids help sample the wedding food from the wedding venue beforehand. Allow them to create a kid's menu to enjoy at the wedding reception. Have a cake designed just for them that celebrates a new family coming together.
- Include unique second wedding favors for them. Consider having entertainment for them. When I remarried, we had an antique fire engine on which the kids could take rides, and it presented some great photo opportunities, too.
- Encourage your kids to participate in your wedding ceremony. Older children can recite a reading or a poem. Or, your entire stepfamily can participate in a sand layering ceremony.
- Present your children with a wedding gift or keepsake so they can be recognized and have a treasure to help remember the day.
- Have a special dance with them. For many kids, they will want to feel connected to you on that day.
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