Positively Paula

Top Three Tips for Planning Your Second Wedding from StaceyLu

Thursday, May 10, 2012
On Monday night during the "Eat, Drink and Remarry with StaceyLu" episode on my RemarriageWorks show on BlogTalkRadio, I had the pleasure of interviewing Stacey Tucker, author of the popular blog, Saying it Out Loud, and the book, Eat, Drink and Remarry: Stacey Lu's Guide to Planning the Second Time Around.  The podcast is now available for you if you missed the live call. 
You'll hear StaceyLu's top three tips for planning your second wedding and her top three tips for your remarriage. And, you'll be sure to crack a smile when you hear StaceyLu's funniest moment as she planned her encore wedding. Enjoy! 

Listen to internet radio with Stepmoms Toolbox on Blog Talk Radio

My Show Tonight: Eat, Drink & Remarry with StaceyLu

Monday, May 07, 2012
If you know anyone who is getting remarried and/or planning his or her second wedding, tune in to my RemarriageWorks show on BlogTalkRadio tonight at 8 p.m. EST.  Don't be surprised to find out that getting married again can be much harder than you anticipated. My special guest, Stacey Tucker, author of Eat, Drink and ReMarry: StaceyLu's Guide to Planning the Second Time Around is here to help! 
Stacey Tucker will share how to get through your encore wedding plans with humor and insight. You will hear Stacey's top three tips for planning your second wedding and her top three pieces of advice for your second marriage. 
During tonight's show, we will also be discussing our funniest experiences related to our second wedding planning, along with our most frustrating and challenging times. You'll see why the second time around isn't really the second time around.  Don't miss this enlightening conversation! 

A big thank you goes to two of our great sponsors for this show:  
SteppingTwoGether - Tools and Resources for Individuals, Couples, Marriage Educators, and Counselors 
Cruise-Ship Wedding - provider of all inclusive, affordable, and unique weddings!  


Vote on Free Second Wedding (aka Encore Wedding) Contest

Thursday, March 08, 2012
WINC FM is having a free wedding contest for people who are getting remarried after divorce or widowhood, and your vote is wanted! Six people have submitted a video explaining why they should win this free encore wedding giveaway, including a wedding gown for their second wedding, and the videos and stories are great! Vote for your favorite video until March 9. 
The winner of the fabulous free encore wedding, or second wedding will be announced at our upcoming Remarriage Showcase for Encore Brides on March 10 at 10 a.m. at River Creek Club in Leesburg, VA. Our Remarriage Showcases are the premier event for the remarrying bride (and groom!), and are designed for people preparing to remarry or form a stepfamily.  There will be all kinds of helpful resources and experts to help you with your second wedding, and remarried and/or stepfamily life. Registration is at RemarriageShowcase.com.
The winner will receive a fabulous free wedding package for their second, or encore wedding. Prizes include custom designed second wedding invitations, a luxe wedding experience package from A Splash of Elegance, a photography package from Jones Photography, reception music from Music Unlimited, coaching sessions from The Stepmom Coach, Claudette Chenevert, second wedding attire from Soliloquy Bridal Couture who has some of the most amazing wedding gowns I have ever seen, dinner for two at Maggiano's in Tyson's Corner, and a reception at the amazing Piedmont Club, a ClubCorp property.

Check out these wedding contest videos that people submitted to win a free second wedding (encore wedding), and vote today!  One of these lucky people will definitely have an extra special way of celebrating a second chance for happiness!


Win a FREE Second Wedding (aka Encore Wedding) from WINC FM!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Do you know anyone who is planning their second wedding? engaged to remarry? having an encore wedding in the next year or so? If you or anyone you know is planning to get married again after divorce or widowhood, you have to check out an exciting contest from WINC FM in northern VA/DC. WINC FM is giving away an encore wedding (aka second wedding). This could be a great way to start off on the right foot with your second chance for happiness! The contest package includes some fabulous prizes.

WINC FM, out of Winchester VA, our media sponsor for our upcoming Remarriage Showcase for Encore Brides, which will be held at River Creek Club in Leesburg, VA on March 10, is having an encore wedding giveaway on-line now!  Prizes include, but are not limited to: 
  • second wedding invitations custom-designed by Carla David Design
  • a Luxe Wedding Experience package from the extraordinary event planning company, A Splash of Elegance; 
  • wedding photography by Jones Photography
  • a wedding gown from the fabulous new bridal couture boutique, Soliloquy;  
  • flowers by Graceful Flowers;
  • music by Music Unlimited;
  • the fine venue Piedmont Club in Haymarket, VAa ClubCorp club; and, 
  • if you are going to have a stepfamily, four coaching sessions from The Stepmom Coach, Claudette Chenevert.  
Even if you aren't located in northern VA/DC, consider making it a destination second wedding! (Please note: travel and lodging are not included.) 
All you have to do is submit a video that is 30 seconds or less telling WINC FM why you deserve an encore wedding. If you or your fiance' have had some rough times, and I'm guessing you may have if one or both of you is getting remarried, check out this opportunity. 
WINC will be announcing the winning couple at our Remarriage Showcase for Encore Brides on March 10. 
And, for those of you who may be wondering.....
Q: How are second weddings any different from first weddings?
A: I invite you to check out my article, "Top 5 Reasons Why Remarrying Brides Deserve Their Own Bridal Show." 
Q:  What? Are you kidding me? What's up with RemarriageWorks.com, WINC FM and these sponsors? Are they promoting divorce?  
A:  ABSOLUTELY NOT!  Here are the plain facts.  Nearly 100 million people in the U.S. are either considering remarriage after divorce or widowhood, or are already remarried. Over 1000 stepfamilies form daily. The divorce rate for second marriages is between 60-70%, and that rate is even higher than the divorce rate for first marriages. Our mission at RemarriageWorks.com is to help remarriages and stepfamilies succeed. Remarriage and stepfamily living and blending families can be a challenging road, an often very rewarding and joyful journey, but it can be very tough and often takes a lot of hard work. 
We want to make the remarriage journey a little easier for you by bringing you credible and valuable resources, inspiration, and hope with a positive twist!  If you like this, please spread the word about our efforts and WINC FM's encore wedding giveaway contest.  I really think the time is coming where we can start supporting healthy remarriages and stepfamilies from the start!


For Single Parents: Overcoming the Challenges of Dating After Divorce

Monday, October 24, 2011
I often hear from single parents who have divorced and are open to getting remarried. "Within 5 years of divorcing, 89% of men and 79% of women remarry," according to Stepcoupling by S. Wisdom and J. Green. RemarriageWorks.com supports you wherever you are on the remarriage journey, including if you are divorced or widowed and thinking about remarriage and having a stepfamily one day. If you are a divorced single parent, have you heard of DateMyFamilly.com?

I am passionate about helping people who think they want to get married again, especially before they remarry and have a blended or stepfamily. I think the remarriage journey is easier to navigate if you know what to expect ahead of time. One website that caught my eye recently is DateMyFamily.com. 

Basically, DateMyFamily.com is a free online dating website for family-oriented individuals. I am really careful about associating with dating websites, so I recently connected with one of its founders. I liked what I heard; their mission statement is "to establish a network of family-oriented individuals while inspiring love, happiness and growth, by not just building partnerships but by building families." Interesting concept.

I'm personally not in the dating world, online or off, anymore, so I invited DateMyFamily.com to share some ideas with single parents about overcoming the challenges of dating after divorce. Here is what they had to say:

"For the majority of individuals who have been through a divorce, the idea of dating again and committing themselves to another relationship is one that is challenging and takes time. But we are not animals! As human beings, we are social by nature and long for the attention and nurture of an intimate partner. And, although the feelings of confusion, guilt, vulnerability, heartbreak, insecurity, indignation, anger, depression — and the list goes on — are tough to cope with, they do eventually pass.

Dating in many cases can be one of the most effective tools for growing past the heartbreak and moving on after divorce, once you are comfortable with the idea of it. There are a few key factors for dating after a divorce that can make it easier, more enjoyable, and make it possible to begin a fresh and successful relationship.

1. Self Confidence. Similar to dating prior to marriage, self-confidence plays a huge role in dating after divorce. Not only does self-confidence help in attracting a date and making you feel good about yourself, but it also serves as a step forward in moving on from the previous relationship.

2. Having an open mind. One of the worst thing someone can do when re-entering the dating world after a divorce is to compare the new person they are involved with to their previous partner. Although it is something that will occur naturally, it is one that should be avoided. Especially openly making comparisons or remarks about your prior partner to the person you are currently speaking to or interested in. Nothing turns someone off quite as badly a a person talking about their ex. Having an open mind and positive attitude towards the new man or woman can also help you appreciate new aspects of the person or even yourself, that you were previously unaware of.

3. Take your time. There is no rush to jump into another relationship and risk getting into a similar situation to the one you already experienced. Taking your time will save a lot of energy and potential grief and the future and make you feel more secure with the person you end up dating. It also allows for more positive dates because with no rush, you will really be able to pick through the crowd to find someone you are truly compatible with.

By keeping these three tips in mind, dating after marriage should be a positive experience that gives you a second opportunity at finding that special someone as well as help you grow as an individual. And, remember, we're not animals! Don't be afraid to go out and find your true life partner!"

So, there you have it from DateMy Family.com, the world's first free family-oriented dating platform that effectively uses a matching algorithm which goes one step deeper to match individuals not just through personality traits and common interests, but through their background and views on family.
Let me know what you think! I, myself think the "Take your time..." makes a lot of sense. If you are remarried, would you advise the same? If you are a single parent after divorce and happen to sign up for DateMyFamily.com, I'd like to know your thoughts about it, too.

Remarriage and Money: The Devil is in the Details

Tuesday, February 08, 2011
One of the reasons I started RemarriageWorks.com was that I think it is very important to go into a second marriage with eyes wide open. After all, approximately one million people get remarried every year, and we know that 65-70% of these remarriages will end in divorce. Financial issues are often cited at the top of the list of reasons why remarriages break up.

Strong warnings about the combination of remarriage and financial problems have been issued in a flurry of press coverage recently. If you are planning to remarry, I urge you to read them. But, don't get buried with worry or fear. Instead take a positive approach as a remarrying couple and have healthy discussions about the content. Dig deep into the details as much as possible.

I wish I had. Before my husband and I remarried, we thought we had thoroughly discussed our finances and philosophies about money. We talked about our intentions about our children's college educations and thought we were on the same page. Several years later when it came time for my stepdaughter to go to college, we realized that we hadn't explored the topic between us in enough detail.

Happy reading and discussions to you! There is plenty of material here about remarriage, stepfamily living, finances, and money to get you started. Just promise me you won't run scared for the hills!

  • The Case Against Remarriage by Catey Hill, SmartMoney.com
  • Are You Remarrying? If So, Don't Forget the Financial Implications by Meghan Streit, Erickson Living Tribune
  • What a Second Marriage Does to Your Money by Jill Krasny, MainStreet.com
  • Blended Families Require Financial Planning by Matt Krantz, USAToday.com


A New Stepfamily Term Beyond Blended and Bonus

Wednesday, October 06, 2010
If you are a member of a stepfamily, you have probably struggled with the much written about dilemma of what to call each other. If you are planning to get remarried, I highly recommend discussing this topic before you remarry. Wanting to come up with some new terms to call stepfamilies, other than "step," "blended family," or "bonus family," I asked our fans on our Remarriage Works Facebook page for some ideas. We got some great ones!

Some terms that made me smile were: "lumpy families," "the majority,""fixed families," and "a box of cereal...a bunch of fruits, nuts, and flakes." On a more serious note, Giselle Minoli, who writes a very insightful stepparenting column on examiner.com, recently informed me about www.Para-Kin.com, a website founded by Debra Chernick, a family court attorney in Rhode Island.

According to her website, "our mission is to add words to our vocabulary and dictionary which will accurately reflect, describe and embrace the evolving family relationships through the promotion of 'para-kin' (which is trademarked by the way) terms." I guess I'd be a "Para-mom," and I like the idea of being "P-mom." It seems like a natural fit with "Paula" anyway.

While some of my stepfamily members may connect me better with the cereal suggestion, I highly recommend you take a look at Debra Chernick's www.Para-Kin website. It definitely provides food for thought.



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