Positively Bonnie
Vote on Free Second Wedding (aka Encore Wedding) Contest
Win a FREE Second Wedding (aka Encore Wedding) from WINC FM!
- second wedding invitations custom-designed by Carla David Design;
- a Luxe Wedding Experience package from the extraordinary event planning company, A Splash of Elegance;
- wedding photography by Jones Photography;
- a wedding gown from the fabulous new bridal couture boutique, Soliloquy;
- flowers by Graceful Flowers;
- music by Music Unlimited;
- the fine venue Piedmont Club in Haymarket, VA, a ClubCorp club; and,
- if you are going to have a stepfamily, four coaching sessions from The Stepmom Coach, Claudette Chenevert.
For Single Parents: Overcoming the Challenges of Dating After Divorce
I am passionate about helping people who think they want to get married again, especially before they remarry and have a blended or stepfamily. I think the remarriage journey is easier to navigate if you know what to expect ahead of time. One website that caught my eye recently is DateMyFamily.com.
Basically, DateMyFamily.com is a free online dating website for family-oriented individuals. I am really careful about associating with dating websites, so I recently connected with one of its founders. I liked what I heard; their mission statement is "to establish a network of family-oriented individuals while inspiring love, happiness and growth, by not just building partnerships but by building families." Interesting concept.
I'm personally not in the dating world, online or off, anymore, so I invited DateMyFamily.com to share some ideas with single parents about overcoming the challenges of dating after divorce. Here is what they had to say:
"For the majority of individuals who have been through a divorce, the idea of dating again and committing themselves to another relationship is one that is challenging and takes time. But we are not animals! As human beings, we are social by nature and long for the attention and nurture of an intimate partner. And, although the feelings of confusion, guilt, vulnerability, heartbreak, insecurity, indignation, anger, depression — and the list goes on — are tough to cope with, they do eventually pass.
Dating in many cases can be one of the most effective tools for growing past the heartbreak and moving on after divorce, once you are comfortable with the idea of it. There are a few key factors for dating after a divorce that can make it easier, more enjoyable, and make it possible to begin a fresh and successful relationship.
1. Self Confidence. Similar to dating prior to marriage, self-confidence plays a huge role in dating after divorce. Not only does self-confidence help in attracting a date and making you feel good about yourself, but it also serves as a step forward in moving on from the previous relationship.
2. Having an open mind. One of the worst thing someone can do when re-entering the dating world after a divorce is to compare the new person they are involved with to their previous partner. Although it is something that will occur naturally, it is one that should be avoided. Especially openly making comparisons or remarks about your prior partner to the person you are currently speaking to or interested in. Nothing turns someone off quite as badly a a person talking about their ex. Having an open mind and positive attitude towards the new man or woman can also help you appreciate new aspects of the person or even yourself, that you were previously unaware of.
3. Take your time. There is no rush to jump into another relationship and risk getting into a similar situation to the one you already experienced. Taking your time will save a lot of energy and potential grief and the future and make you feel more secure with the person you end up dating. It also allows for more positive dates because with no rush, you will really be able to pick through the crowd to find someone you are truly compatible with.
By keeping these three tips in mind, dating after marriage should be a positive experience that gives you a second opportunity at finding that special someone as well as help you grow as an individual. And, remember, we're not animals! Don't be afraid to go out and find your true life partner!"
So, there you have it from DateMy Family.com, the world's first free family-oriented dating platform that effectively uses a matching algorithm which goes one step deeper to match individuals not just through personality traits and common interests, but through their background and views on family.
Let me know what you think! I, myself think the "Take your time..." makes a lot of sense. If you are remarried, would you advise the same? If you are a single parent after divorce and happen to sign up for DateMyFamily.com, I'd like to know your thoughts about it, too.
It Isn't Too Late to Hear "Mediation Can Help in Divorce & Remarriage"
Divorced and/or Remarried? Mediation Can Help You
On 10/3 at 8 p.m. EST, on our new RemarriageWorks.com BlogTalkRadio show, our topic will be "Mediation Can Help You in Divorce and Remarriage." Join me as I interview guests Jim Pope, M.S.W., J.D. and Ann L. Warshauer of the non-profit organization, Northern Virginia Mediation Service. As professional mediators, they will address: the ABC's of mediation, not only divorce mediation, but how mediation can help you in your remarriage and stepfamily life.
Are you facing a sticky or downright high conflict situation with an ex? Are you frustrated with shared joint custody problems? Are you absolutely stressed from child support, or lack thereof? Do you need a co-parenting plan? Does your child still want to see her step-grandparents after your ex has divorced again?
Thanks to our show's sponsor, IDEALS of Kentucky, tune in to our show on 10/3 at 8 p.m. EST, and hear the facts about mediation, and how it can help you in your divorce and remarriage. We'll even discuss if and when it doesn't work. I am sure it is a much healthier process to explore than tugging on Barney's arm or even worse. Very sad, but true in so many cases.
The Garter Brides Respond to You, RemarriageWorks Readers
Check out this video to hear what The Garter Brides had to say in response to your questions!
What is There to be Thankful for in Your Stepfamily?
And, how many of us get caught up in the whining and complaining about exes, our kids' other stepparent, and all of the challenges that stepfamily life can bring? I'm guilty! Especially in the early years of my remarriage, I complained, got angry, and I'm sure I drove my friends and family nuts on many days. And, even now having been remarried for nearly eight years, I still have my moments.
In hindsight, I feel like I have wasted valuable time and energy simmering in a stew of negative feelings. I wish I had read books, including 365 Thank Yous and Jack Canfield's The Success Principles, years ago. In his book, Canfield writes, "When you are in a state of appreciation and gratitude, you are in a state of abundance. You are appreciating what you do have instead of focusing on and complaining about what you don't have."
So, turning back to remarriage and stepfamily life, for what is there to be grateful? As a start, how about:
- the opportunity to learn about your own strengths and weaknesses?
- the chance to learn more about love and its many forms?
- a second chance for true happiness after experiencing divorce or widowhood?
- learning how to appreciate others?
- developing healthy coping mechanisms?
- the ability to be a positive influence in a young person's life?
In The Success Principles, Canfield explains that there are three different kinds of appreciation. He describes three different ways (auditory, visual, and kinesthetic) "the brain takes in information, and everybody has a dominant type they prefer."
So, every day we can strive to appreciate the people in our family in the way that makes them feel good. We can hug one of our stepchildren who responds to touch. We can call one of our kids who is away at college to find out how they are doing, and we can write a note telling our spouse how much we appreciate what they do.
The things that we grumble about may still be there. But, if we follow John Kralik's example, we'll actually feel happier. Thank goodness for that!
Remarriage and Money: The Devil is in the Details
Strong warnings about the combination of remarriage and financial problems have been issued in a flurry of press coverage recently. If you are planning to remarry, I urge you to read them. But, don't get buried with worry or fear. Instead take a positive approach as a remarrying couple and have healthy discussions about the content. Dig deep into the details as much as possible.
I wish I had. Before my husband and I remarried, we thought we had thoroughly discussed our finances and philosophies about money. We talked about our intentions about our children's college educations and thought we were on the same page. Several years later when it came time for my stepdaughter to go to college, we realized that we hadn't explored the topic between us in enough detail.
Happy reading and discussions to you! There is plenty of material here about remarriage, stepfamily living, finances, and money to get you started. Just promise me you won't run scared for the hills!
- The Case Against Remarriage by Catey Hill, SmartMoney.com
- Are You Remarrying? If So, Don't Forget the Financial Implications by Meghan Streit, Erickson Living Tribune
- What a Second Marriage Does to Your Money by Jill Krasny, MainStreet.com
- Blended Families Require Financial Planning by Matt Krantz, USAToday.com
Don't Settle for Mediocre in Your Remarriage, And Get a Bonus, Too!
If you want more effective communication in your remarriage, a more exciting and healthy sex life, and more respect and trust, consider Secrets of Happy Couples. Kim surveyed 100 happy couples and prominent relationship experts. According to Gary Chapman, Ph.D., author of The Five Love Languages (another favorite book of mine), "If you wonder what it takes to be happy as a couple, this book is for you...Olver is breaking exciting new ground."
Remarriages often face a lot of pressure; it's obvious with the divorce rate for second marriages being 65-70%. You can relieve some of the pressure by checking out this book. And, as an added incentive, if you buy Secrets of Happy Couples, you can get 25% off of Journal for Stepmoms which is an invaluable tool for stepmothers and stepmoms-to-be.
If you purchase Kim's book now, you will receive more than 60 phenomenal free gifts valued at over $3,500. Check them out! I know you may be thinking that this is a typical marketing gimmick. But, I assure you that I think Secrets of Happy Couples is so helpful that I have shared it with some very special people in my own stepfamily life.
Our Top 10 Remarriage & Stepfamily Blogs List for 2010
Each of these bloggers brings something unique to the table. I think you'll be amazed at what they have to offer. If you go to any of their websites for the first time, let them know how you found them. And, if you, yourself blog about anything related to stepfamilies, remarriage, divorce, or co-parenting, please let us know. We'd love to follow your blog in 2011.
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