Positively Paula

2nd Wedding Wednesday: The Familymoon!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011
When approaching a second wedding, most couples are immediately aware that it will be far from conventional. In a second wedding, so many of the small details are handled in a less traditional way. The second wedding invitations may include the joining together of more than two people; the encore bridal dress may not be white; and, it's likely that his and/or her children will be involved. So, it goes without saying that your honeymoon, too, may lack the traditional romance and one-on-one time.

Not many couples would ever put the word "child" in the same sentence as the word "honeymoon," but remarriage often includes blending families, and that obviously requires a focus on your children. So, while planning the date and location of your second honeymoon, maybe it's time to consider a familymoon! (The word "familymoon" was trademarked in 2004 by Beaches Resorts.)

Essentially, a familymoon is a family vacation, a time set aside to spend time with the family and to create memories. Family time for a stepfamily is extremely important. By letting your children and stepchildren know that they are a part of your remarriage journey, the blending process will go more smoothly. 

There are some fantastic resorts that offer an opportunity for romance, one-on-one time with your new spouse, and great family fun. A great example is Franklyn D. Resort & Spa, the only resort in Jamaica to offer your family a personal vacation nanny throughout your stay. One of the attendees of our recent Remarriage Bridal Showcase for Encore Brides in Leesburg, VA just won a vacation from Franklyn D. Resort  Spa. I can't wait to hear how it went!




2nd Wedding Wednesday: The Perfect Second Wedding Invitations

Wednesday, July 20, 2011
When I was getting remarried, I had a really tough time trying to find the perfect wedding invitation. Regardless of whether you are going the cheap DIY wedding invitations route, or the "sky is the limit" budget route, you are most likely looking for unique wedding invitations that fit your needs.

When it comes to planning your second wedding invitations, here's what I imagine probably isn't going to work for your second wedding invitation wording:

Mr. and Mrs. Smith (read "your parents")
invite you to the wedding of their daughter (read "Your parents are most likely not paying for your second wedding.)
to
Mr. John Doe (read "He may have children of his own and you acknowledge that you will support, care for, and accept that they come with this remarriage at least part of the time.")
at
a fabulous, extravagant venue (read "We may be having an extravagant venue, but we want to include our children somehow in the ceremony and/or celebration.")

OR

You may simply want to include the children in the invitation somehow. Perhaps you want to include your children throughout the wedding planning process.  I can't think of any better way to get off to a good start, whether it is shopping, planning, or including the kids in the second wedding invitation wording itself.

When I was getting remarried, I searched all over the place for the perfect second wedding invitation. None of the catalog samples provided us ideas for wording for people like us; i.e., a couple getting remarried with kids. Whatever you want to call it, whether it be stepfamily blending, merging two families, or creating a new family, it was important for us to announce to our family and friends that we were celebrating ALL of us coming together. Wedding invite wording was important to us.

Since we were planning a destination wedding at Martha's Vineyard, I ultimately ended up going to a calligrapher who designed a grapevine border around our wording, and wrote the names of our five children in the grapevines.  This beautiful artwork is now framed and displayed in our home today as a keepsake that I treasure.

Since publishing RemarriageWorks.com, I thought there has got to be a better second wedding invitation selection for marriages that include children. Or, second wedding celebrations that are hosted by a remarrying couples' grown children. Or, second wedding invitation wording that is sensitive to the kids' feelings if you are marrying a widow or widower. I, personally, did not want to offend my stepchildren by having my invitation read, "Today I will marry the love of my life." Maybe our kids, in various stages of grief from divorce or death of a parent, would be hurt by thinking their mom or dad was not the one and only love because they are too young to understand. Who knows? 

I now know that there has to be some better second wedding invitation options, including both wedding invitation wording and design.

As a result, I've partnered with the creative and talented invitation designer, Carla David of Carla David Design to come up with unique second wedding invitations that can be customized to reflect your new stepfamily or remarriage needs. I hope you check out RemarriageWorks.com's second wedding invitations and let me know what you think!

    2nd Wedding Wednesday: Your Second Wedding With Kids

    Wednesday, July 06, 2011
    For the 65% of remarrying couples who have kids of their own, deciding whether to have children at the wedding is often a no-brainer. Instead your dilemma often revolves around how to include your kids in the second wedding celebration.

    First, if you have or want a great relationship with your children or stepchildren-to-be, I highly recommend that you don't exclude them from your wedding. I have heard stories about couples not including their children, and I truly believe your kids should be a part of your wedding event in some way, the very least of which is to be invited. After all, when you get remarried with kids, the reality is you are bringing families together; there is more to consider than just you and your spouse.

    "One of the most complicated aspects of stepfamilies is figuring out the issues of belonging - who feels 'in' and who doesn't," according to Jean McBride, author of Encouraging Words for New Stepmothers. Assuming the children want to be included, here are some ways to include them after you get engaged to remarry:

    • Create opportunities for parents who are about to become stepparents to spend time with their stepchildren during the wedding planning phase (e.g., enjoy a make-up session or spa day; shop for wedding attire together; have a pre-wedding picnic; let the "guys" in the newly forming family have their own version of a "bachelor" party on a paintball excursion or golf outing, etc.).
    • Let the kids help sample the wedding food from the wedding venue beforehand. Allow them to create a kid's menu to enjoy at the wedding reception. Have a cake designed just for them that celebrates a new family coming together.
    • Include unique second wedding favors for them. Consider having entertainment for them. When I remarried, we had an antique fire engine on which the kids could take rides, and it presented some great photo opportunities, too.
    • Encourage your kids to participate in your wedding ceremony. Older children can recite a reading or a poem. Or, your entire stepfamily can participate in a sand layering ceremony.
    • Present your children with a wedding gift or keepsake so they can be recognized and have a treasure to help remember the day.  
    • Have a special dance with them. For many kids, they will want to feel connected to you on that day.
    You don't have to have a traditional second wedding or reception. You and your children can make it as bold and creative as you would like. Brainstorm with your kids beforehand and discuss the planning with them. Taking these steps will go a long way in setting the foundation for a happy and healthy stepfamily. 


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